PRIVATE TO POST

I often read posts on Facebook that people have written about the sudden loss of a loved one. They usually make me cry. I read them with compassion and in solidarity for their loss. But I can’t post one myself.

I lost my mum a year ago today (6th Aug). She died suddenly, and it was a huge shock. It was tragic too and unnecessary which made it all the harder to bear. A day doesn’t go by when I don’t think about her. But really thinking about her, imagining her laughter, the way she giggled uncontrollably at her own terrible jokes is what brings her back to me, and I still find that heart-wrenching.

It’s easier on her birthday. It’s a cause for celebration. But on her death day, it’s hard to know what to do. I want to mark it in some way, pay tribute and honour her, If I was religious, I could go to church and light a candle, but I’m not.

So how do I mark this tragic occasion, how do I signify to others that someone so dear to me whom I loved with all my heart is gone from this world that we share? And why do I feel the need to do it publicly?

I’m an intensely private person. I can’t post on Facebook ‘what I’m thinking or feel today’, but I know if I did I’d get a lot of compassion and kindness back. Everyone has or will lose someone or something they love and care about. It’s not unusual, it’s life. And so today, for me, without the arena of Facebook; I’ll think about my mum a little more than usual. I’ll cry and probably smile too when I remember what a beautiful little loon she was. And I’ll get on with things the way everyone does and how I have been doing since the day that she passed away.

And so today, for me, without the arena of Facebook; I’ll think about my mum a little more than usual. I’ll cry and smile too when I remember what a beautiful little loon she was. And I’ll get on with things, the way everyone does and how I have been doing since the day that she passed away.

LOOK UP

A poem inspired by Sonya’s 3 LineTales at Only100Words. Here’s a link to the original prompt here. Thanks, Sonya! The photo is by Faustin Tuyambaze via Unsplash

Sat forward, in lectures and seminars and coffee bars, your future ahead of you, listening and learning and asking.

Sitting and waiting for your chance to begin, but when it does don’t forget to look up!

Up at the skies and the ceilings and the ladders you’ll climb, at all of us watching and waiting to see what you do with the future we’ve left you behind.

#3LineTales

First off…

I finally made a start on the short story I’ve been trying to write about my experience of watching the film ‘All is Lost’  with my dad during his battle with cancer.

When we watched the film, my dad who was sat in an enormous brown leather recliner, spent most of the time telling me how much he hated Robert Redford because “all of his films were crap and nothing ever happened…”

During ‘All is Lost’ he constantly heckled the TV calling out, “Fuckin’ hell…Nice one Redford, you win again – you wanker!” and “What a fuckin’ idiot!” at every disastrous twist in the plot.

But whilst watching the film, or trying to, it struck me that Redford’s battle for survival on-screen – when his boat takes on water in an isolated part of the ocean and ultimately sinks – was the perfect metaphor for the battle off-screen that my dad was facing. Although, in my dad’s case no one was going to rescue him before the end…

Ironically, just as my dad had heckled many times, Redford did win and now it’s almost three years ago since my dad passed away. But because of his battle with cancer, I had the opportunity to know and love my dad in a way I never thought I could and it’s some of this journey I want to explore in my story…

So, as I set about writing it, I hope it will be funny, bizarre and heartbreaking, which the whole experience was, but I also hope it will be inspiring too because that’s what it was like for me and in that regard, all was not lost.

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